Healing and the
World 391 perhaps relevant to our times, I wrote this back in August 2001
as I reflected on the state of the world in terms of healing - is it an objective
or rather a matter of process? does the healer need healing too? (HA!Man)
it flows even there 816 a rather intimate discussion of an insight of how
self-sex can be fulfilling and bring the ego into balance (HM Jul 2009)
Positive affirmation versus silence 1408 an advertisement for the handicapped
to be positive about themselves leads to the experience of a course in positive
thinking and the question: how much can thinking really change reality? (JD
Oct 2014)
to you, Mira, after 15 months 2796 addressing my first born child on her fifteenth
month, even though she cannot understand me. thoughts about her entering our
lives, where she's at now and how i wish to accompany her on her life's journey
(HM Jul 2019)
in the beginning was the Word not 2283 on the biblical primacy of the Word,
the wish for an empty mind and the lure of bread. and how Mira's birth brings
it all together (HM Nov 2020)
born as body 2590 while i cannot express in words what it is to live the body,
i can search for pathways of meaning to reconnect with it. while she is still
only three, it is she who offers the hope for a balanced humanity (HM Jan
2022)
pain, pain, pain 2097 "pain is not an intrusion. pain is not a separate
sensation to be handled besides an injury. pain is us. pain is our response
to a violation. pain is the rallying cry. pain is the care we take to remain
whole." (HM Aug 2022)
first words 63
the feeling i had when "born" as "the HA!Man" (HM late
1990's)
babies 4 something about babies (HM May 2001)
in the dark 210 thoughts on the Dark as our beginnings and ultimate destination
(HM Aug 2003)
everywhere 76 an ode to your physical beauty (HM Nov 2003)
the sum 152 the eternity of anonymous love-making (HM Nov 2004)
breasts 119 the touch the mother earth the breasts the stilness of that moment
(HM Aug 2007)
female orgasm 179 experimental description of female orgasm (JD Jan 2014)
the beginnings of a world 68 experimental description of love (JD Jan 2014)
the road less travelled 55 short poem on a sexual encounter (JD Jan 2014)
evening walk 30 written on a melancholic evening walk (JD Feb 2014)
the dolphin's way home 1056 an ode to our baby girl and how she knows how
to grow without any rational concept (yet) (JD Mar 2019)
the story of the mountain 144 when asked about sensitive things, on tends
to talk in parables. sex is one such a thing (HM Jun 2020)
sex 176 it is there. it is everywhere. easily forgotten (HM Dec 2020)
maddened by music 253 upon meeting a man who fell between the cracks of Western
classical music and the intensity of his own feelings (HM Mar 2021)
i have COVID 255 o realizing that i have been infected by the Corona virus,
that i am part of the pandemic, that i am part of a human family that could
have been much stronger against this (HM Apr 2021)
fatherly absence 154 a letter to Mira, hypothetically from the future, when
she can read and i can apologize to her for my absence during these months
(HM May 2021)
trauma 192 several perspectives (HM Aug 2021)
for the life of Corona 139 if i do have a choice, i will withstand you as
one living entity versus another! (HM Nov 2021)
boundaries 130 how the body is the ultimate boundary, making choice, being
and love possible (HM Apr 2022)
until 180 what the body does with unbearable pain. and how it heals from there.
(HM Apr 2022)
it is mine! 194 the nasty and natural little possessiveness of little children..
what would happen if left unchecked? (HM May 2022)
i do not want to die! 395 Mira tells me cryingly, i do not want to die one
day! she's four years old. what do i, the father, say? (HM Nov 2022)
lÛ lekker
laag A4 hand saadplanting, Ûrens in die grond, Ûrens in die natuur,
Ûrens alleen (HM late 1990's)
le lekker laag op jou se maag A4 hand ver verlate enkeling masturbeer in die
son (HM Mei 2002)
en skielik skud dit weer A4 hand die drang om lewe, lewe as 'n seksdaad (HM
Sept 2002)
grot 122 oor die verborge glories van die lus (HM Nov 2003)
geel wol trui A4 hand die glyende vreugdes van vrye liefde en die onbekostigbaarheid
darvan (HM Jul 2004)
armoede 145 hoe 'n droom die enkellopende se seksuele honger probeer voed
(HM Feb 2007)
wortel 120 'n poging om woorde te gee aan die opbou van seksuele ekstase as
'n bewustelike eksistensiele daad (HM Jun 2007)
gras verdor A4 hand oor die HoÙveldse gras en die stof waaruit dit
gebore word, en waarnatoe dit weer sterf. soos ek. soos die mensestof. (HM
Mei 2009)
gattelik A4 hand sak af na die stilte waar die windgattiglike wind praat sonder
twyfel (HM Feb 2021)
het minst begane
pad 51 kort gedicht over seks met een man (JD Jan 2014)
al dat 176 on ways a small child can bring healing to a big human (JD Feb
2020)
alleen als ze slaapt 26 when Mira is sleeping.. (JD Oct 2020)
05 PROSE
Bart
2387 Joke visits Canada for the first time, meeting family who have emigrated
from Belgium. The visit brings forth the memory of her late uncle Bart and
an unexpected desire for safety and child-like innocence. (JD Nov 2013)
the
story of Mira's birth 7292 Joke's rendition of the dramatic and profound
event that turned her into a mother (JD Apr 2018)
teeth
story 4205 i suffered through a number of bad tooth abscesses. and i lost
teeth in the process. i rebelled against my dentist, not visiting for years.
the end of the story is that i have it under control. and my dentist find
it difficult to believe (HM Aug 2021)
06 SERIES
dreamscape
dreamscape number one 1356 an effort to write dreamily at first results
in questioning my motives and then finding a way of looking at the dream state
(which is not to die) and how dream writing is a necessary thing (HM Jun 2022)
dreamscape number two 464 and there and then / all of this / too many names
/ a street flows down the river / like a bomb / and I walk-fly ..
droomlandskap nommer een 744 van landskappe en rubberbande, balle en meganika,
oorspoelskommelinge en drie dinge wat my laat vloei (HM Sep 2022)
dreamscape number three 698 of empty swimming pools and the empty dreams of
billionaires, the self-destruct of dictators and the beauty of a dead bug
(Oct 2022)
droomlandskap nommer twee 574 die son, die sterremaan, die drupdrap, omgeskommelde
riekrak, mannewrak.. (HM Nov 2022)
dreamscape number four 568 the dream of being at the sea-side, the sea that
dreamed us up, and the desire to return there from the harshness of the land
(HM Jan 2023)
droomlandskap
droomlandskap nommer drie 489 dromerigheid in 'n oomblik van saligheid (HM
Maart 2023)
droomlandskap nommer vier 1827 ek droom van 'n boot en brilglase mannetjies
en begin dan te vertel oor my eie droomgewoontes, die aard van drome en wat
hulle dan sou beteken (HM Jul 2023)
07
RECORDINGS
drops in wind
03:23 Like drops falling above and under water.. From a soundtrack for a stage
production set in a Chinese context (HM Jul 2001)
soft sweep 05:42 an open landscape as the sun rises through blanket of mist
(HM Jan 2001)
Soft Smooth 04:03 The cello and paddes sounds create an iridescent cloud of
sound. The padded sounds are comparable to underwater, wettish, birdlike sounds..
(HM Jun 2001 - description Lara Kirsten)
soft starry mystery 03:39 gentle strangeness with soft padding and cello (HM
Jun 2001)
Life on another planet 04:29 The imaginings of a child will interpret all
the weird and funky mouth-sounds as an intricate language of E.T. and his
compatriots. (HM March 2003, descr Lara Kirsten)
alien call 08:31 #4 of 5 improvised recordings done with experimental sound
artist Eric Leonardson in Chicago. I play the cello which was channeled through
a sound-bending gadget. Another layer of conventional sound was subsequently
added (HM Oct 2004)
prologue (Jackson Pollock) 02:03 Soundtrack created for a physical theatre
piece on action painter Jackson Pollock. This is the introduction, as inner
turmoil builds towards the inevitable flood of expression (HM Sep 2005)
ancient breaths 03:19 a short and mystical recording with Jan Seiden, who
specializes in playing native American flutes (HM Nov 2006)
day has not broken yet 05:27 introduction to an hour of a creative piano journey.
lingering, anticipating, yet somehow quiet. (HM Aug 2007)
we have hung up our feet 02:26 mesmerizing, slightly bending and subtle sounds
takes the eye to the far horizon (HM Oct 2007)
early stirrings 13:01 a searching and spacious introduction to an improvisation
concert in the Grahamstown cathedral. (Saxophone: Rick van Heerden; voices:
the Greame College choir. Organ: HA!Man. Feb 2010)
waking call 06:06 soft, dense strings accompany the voice with the sighs,
stretches and longings of a wake-up call (from album Breaking the Day - HM
Sept 2010)
cello opening in Durbanville 03:38 brooding and probing cello enters dark
space, suspended on a bed of D minor - from a live performance in a suburban
house near Cape Town (HM Aug 2015)
two hours after midnight 06:09 reflective, strange, yet open mood, strings
suspending second inversion chord. bender gives a twist to single piano notes
drifting along. cello and nose flute added (HA!Man Sept 2020)
die spook van donkergat 04:21 improvised on request from the audience: the
them "die spook van donkergat" (the ghost from Dark Hole) - a title
of some Afrikaans radio series long ago (HM Jul 2020)
mountain requiem 06:46 how would nature make music for the dead? i cannot
know this, but my musical guess with three cello layers, a flute and drum
is that it is sad, but not too sad, breathing and organically repetitive (HM
Jan 2022)
in depth 06:02 deep waves and oriental suggestions are punctuated by a slippery
bass and bubbly arpeggios. along with a layer of choir voices they create
an other-worldly soundscape with a melancholic undertone (HM Aug 2024)
09
DRAWINGS
seaside (HM Nov
2001)
standing line drawing suggesting a standing figure (HM Jun 2003)
system of sun graphic with a stellar sun close-up effect (HM Jun 2003)
the world is my embrio windows paint intuitive graphic (HM Jun 2003)
vliegie minimal graphic on turquoise background. suggestive of a fly (HM Jul
2003)
nest free hand graphic in red, green and black, with black being the "nest"
(HM Nov 2003)
feminine camouflage treated picture of a woman walking the forest, as if she
wants to disappear into it. as if she is the forest (HM Sept 2008)
the eye minimal drawing that might suggest the outlines of a face with a penetrating
eye.. (HM Jul 2013)
annemoon spontaneous drawing with black ink on white, that grew into an anemone
(or virus?) -type structure (HM Aug 2016
aquagenesis this spontaneous graphic play morphed into something that reminded
me, or rather, appeared to me as a sort of view on the beginnings of life
deep down in the primal seas (HM Dec 2016)
bird becoming minimal spontaneous hand suggestive of bird beginnings (HM May
2019)
inner world a complexity contained in a bubble that drifts against a dark
background. hand drawing with graphic elements added (HM Nov 2020)
flowing fall painting in gouache. a woman falling. clouds of red. and some
more red (JD Apr 21)
hanging hook man and boat in air suspended with(out) hanging hook (JD May
2021)
that is what you see mystical depiction of woman wrapped in red (JD May 2021)
she calls it a hand we were talking to each other, Joke and I, and Mira -
now 4 - casually sat on the floor, playing and drawing. suddenly she came
up to us to show us this. "a hand" she said. (ML Apr 2022)
cat and mouse not that she intended drawing a cat and a mouse, but a remarkably
minimal digital sketch for a four year old (ML Jun 2022)
10
PHOTOGRAPHY
dusk forever
a dusk-time view of the Amatola mountain range from afar (HM Jul 2006)
into a new dawn human silhouette against a setting sun on top of the Drakensberg
(HM Dec 2007)
Aidirondacks blue tall trees at winter dusk in upstate New York (HM Nov 2014)
twighlight zone dusk on a far and flat horizon, somewhere from the air over
Africa (HM Dec 2016)
desertroad treated photo from a road in Namibia (HM Feb 2008)
dark mountain part of the mighty Drakensberg ("mountains of the dragon")
on a misty day (HM Aug 2009)
let me in black and white image of a forest portal (HM Apr 2016)
emergent out of focus image of a winter tree in the Netherlands (HM Dec 2016)
towards the out of focus lights of two oncoming cars on a rainy night (HM
Dec 2016)
12
VIDEOS
The Day I Got
My Body Back 1 05:21 Piano improvisation with dancer Penny Hin on a given
theme: the return of the body awareness - Part 1 of 3 (2. the death of god
3. reconnection) (HM Jul 2005)
Song of Nature 07:01 Joke and I stopped for an hour or so in the rugged beauty
of the "Seweweek's Poort," taking visuals feelingly, afterwards
adding text (Joke) and music (HA!Man) to render a Song of Nature.. (Jan 2013)
lights in the rain 1 04:35 captured by the lights of cars, moving across the
water, with drops waiting patiently on the windscreen of the car i am sitting
in (HM, Jul 2019)
Relentless Void 06:45 dramatic night sky scenes from Hogsback overlay Joke's
text to this (first) part of the Relentless Universe soundtrack (JD &
HM Oct 2019)
heavy as a feather 05:57 the endless fascination with falling snow, its mystery,
its soft dangers and angelic redemption (HM Nov 2019)
northern trek 07:20 visuals from moving vehicle somewhere in central Canada
on the trans Canada highway along with music from the opening of a live performance
in the Netherlands some months earlier (HM Nov 2019)
hier sta ik 04:32 Joke's improvised Dutch poem "hier sta ik" blends
with a drive through a misty Karoo in the early morning hours ((HM March 2021)
ADEM 08:32 the text of a Dutch poem by Joke drifts along with a mystical performance
opening piece and ocean waves - the confluence of breathing, being alive and
not knowing what comes next (JD & HM Oct 2021)
13
FILMS
dream train 11:02 the violin of Veronika Soreide joins strings and the sounds of people on the train from Kortrijk to Gent in Belgium. the visuals simply feels out the passing scenes in a dreamscape of shadowed vulnerability (HM Jun 2022)